– even with the same man – with no intent to exit the shared fantasy does not
provoke romantic jealousy.
cheating with the same man preserves the idealized version of the woman, while
casual, sluttish sex challenges or destroys it.
the narcissist prefers the former: if she has a stable, long-term, intimate
lover or if she has sex with someone she has known for along time – but only
someone who does not threaten the shared fantasy with him.
shared fantasy demands presence and availability. If the narcissist is busy
(not available) or absent, the woman is free to do as she wishes (object
inconstancy). But if he is available and present, she should be all his,
exclusively. If she then spends time with other men, he perceives it as a rejection
of the shared fantasy and it provokes abandonment anxiety and romantic
which challenges or destroys her idealized version (drunk one night stand) and
is intended to facilitate an exit from the shared fantasy (prefers to spend time
with other men) provokes extreme romantic jealousy focused on both the sex and
the intimacy with the other man (=the substitute shared fantasy).
that is intended to mortify leads to a breakup without romantic jealousy.
narcissist doesn’t have sex (except sadistic despoiling) or real intimacy with his
woman, so he does not mind if she has both with other men. He has a shared
fantasy with an idealized version of his woman, so he feels excruciating hurt
and intense romantic jealousy ONLY when the woman replaces the shared fantasy
she has with him with a shared fantasy (=intimacy) with another man and, in the
process, as she exits the shared fantasy she had with him, destroys the
idealized version that I am interacting with.